it felt like being in the wrong movie

...I went to the dentist, after a few visits the pain in my face disappeared.  A few months later it came back, went to my house doctor and I was told that it could be stress related. I continued with my life and at the end of October 2017 after some very stressful weeks, the pain came back again.  At Universitätsspital Zürich they diagnosed a trigeminal neuralgia. The pain was increasing, instead of resuming and I started to spend my whole days there, begging for a good dose of painkillers.  A MRI was programmed and after this,  a tumour was found, which was pressing on my trigeminal nerve, hence the horrible pain, so the cause was found and NOW….?????

They said I need an operation. It felt like being in the wrong movie. I did not even realize what was happening, because having to deal with the pain was bad enough. One day after finding this unwelcome resident in my head, I was in theatre, when I woke up, half of my face was paralyzed.

Now, I have to deal with a funny asymmetric face and an eye that does not close …. Daily!!!!! And everyone tells me that I should be thankful, uhmmm… wrong movie again. Importantly, there is no major damage and the face will eventually be back to what it was, but the eventually bit, is the demon that I have to fight against.

I am a very lucky person, I have the fortune to be in great, professional hands. My physiotherapist gives me lots of strength and great tips, she lifts my spirit up and I look forward to my weekly sessions.

I have always been mega expressive and I have many wrinkles in my face.  On the right side, they are completely gone and I can forget, for the time being, any facial expressions: DISASTER!!!!! In order to rebel against this “eventuality “I have had a T-shirt printed, that states:"I WANT MY WRINKLES BACK"

I am entering into the third month of a facial paralysis and living with a constant open eye and the inability to smile properly is not easy, it is no fun and definitely it is not sexy. The eye is my biggest problem, going out is a real struggle. I am coping with this cold weather covering my eye with septic clothe and a pirate eye. I have a few Augenklappen which I have customized to make them more funky and fun.


When I left the rehab Clinic, 4 weeks ago and I stepped back into the real life, I decided to carry my temporary face with pride. First thing I did, was to gather a bunch of friends that have been supporting me with messages, phone calls etc.… to a cubist girly dinner at home. I themed the night the “Cubist night”, made some masks. The masks were such a great ice breaker that the night was soon normalized and  nobody noticed my face anymore. 

All pictures by the author